James (Schaffrillas)

James (Schaffrillas) Patron

I talk about the giant shiny coconut crab from Moana for a living

Favorite films

  • Whiplash
  • Lady Bird
  • Whisper of the Heart
  • RRR

Recent activity

  • Mega Python vs. Gatoroid


  • May the 12th Be with You


  • Queen Christina


  • Away


Recent reviews

  • Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

    Mega Python vs. Gatoroid


    You know what? I've seen worse

  • May the 12th Be with You

    May the 12th Be with You


    Holy shit THAT'S what Marge sounds like now????? Please free Julie Kavner oh my God

    Deeply dire, artless, soulless, godless abomination. What are the jokes in this? When a ship lands and Ahsoka walks out of it, what's the joke there? That Ahsoka showed up??? And why does she have that fuckass Hutt baby from the Clone Wars movie?

    The credits music is literally just a random piece of the Phantom Menace score from the scene where they leave Coruscant for Naboo. It doesn't even fit here! What are you DOING

Popular reviews

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Never in a million years would I have predicted that Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker would be the best character in this movie

  • The Holdovers

    The Holdovers


    There's a handshake in this that feels more overwhelmingly warm and emotional than most hugs I've seen in movies