• Scream 7

    Scream 7

    ½

    it’s still fuck scream 7 even if sidney’s back btw

  • Scream 7

    Scream 7

    ½

    justice for melissa barrera.

  • Blonde

    Blonde

    ½

    “In the end, no matter what Andrew Dominik’s intentions were, all that Blonde represents is a dark and dismal reminder that, even in death, a woman’s body is not her own.”

    So, I wrote about Blonde, and you can read it here.

    (And now I never want to think about this movie ever again!!!)

    2022 Ranked

  • Blonde

    Blonde

    ½

    Three hours of Andrew Dominik shoving his head so far up his fucking ass until it finally comes out the other end, covered in shit.

    2022 Ranked

  • Firestarter

    Firestarter

    ½

  • Please Hold

    Please Hold

    ½

    Tries to say so much and yet… nothing at all. About as deep as a puddle, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, and relentlessly repetitive. No thank you ❤️

  • Deep Water

    Deep Water

    ½

    Bold choice to make an erotic thriller that is neither erotic nor thrilling.

    2022 Ranked

  • Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    ½

    You’re telling me this supposedly had record-low test screening scores and was sold off to Netflix at the last minute when the studio found it to be “unreleasable”?

    *insert Futurama “I’m shocked. Shocked! Well, not that shocked.” gif here*

    2022 Ranked
    The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Ranked

  • Babysitter

    Babysitter

    ½

    Babysitter was a major misfire for me. It raises a lot of questions about misogyny, male privilege, and the media, but it has little significant to say about any of these issues, and its commentary is clouded by obnoxious overdirection, overly absurdist acting, and erratic editing.

    2022 Ranked

  • Fresh

    Fresh

    ½

    Fresh has a compelling concept and a daring Daisy Edgar-Jones in the lead role, but it wears out its welcome quickly and stretches its story far too thin, making for a rather toothless thriller in the end. Not sure what Sebastian Stan was doing either but it sure was… something?

    A shoddy script, subpar style and characters who are little more than stock stereotypes (we’re still doing this “the only people of color in the movie are the savior sidekicks!” thing?). Total waste of time.

    2022 Ranked

  • Cinderella

    Cinderella

    ½

    Lol, absolutely not.

    Idina Menzel and Billy Porter innocent. Camila Cabello and James Corden need to be tried for crimes against humanity.

    Look, Cinderella is my favorite Disney princess, and the story is one I hold near and dear to my heart for many reasons, so I was always gonna be apprehensive of any adaptation following Kenneth Branagh’s masterful reinvigoration of the classic tale in 2015. As others before me have pointed out, this does everything wrong that that film…

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    ½

    Insufferable and irredeemable.

    Just woefully wretched filmmaking on every level.

    2021 Ranked