‎Zoë Rose Bryant’s reviews • Letterboxd

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Diary Year

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Slender Man 2018

½ Watched 09 Aug 2018 2

Slender Man should’ve been titled Generic Horror Movie.
This poor excuse of a film takes one of the most legitimately terrifying and intriguing horror myths of the 21st century and absolutely brutalizes it with horrendous, nonsensical plotting, characters that are bland beyond belief, and an indefensibly uninspired and hackneyed screenplay. The dialogue in particular is truly atrocious, even by low-bar horror movie standards.
For a movie with a runtime of a mere 93 minutes, this borefest drags. I probably checked my…
He's All That 2021

Watched 27 Aug 2021 2

I should not have liked this more than Candyman
2021 Ranked
The Kissing Booth 3 2021

★★★ Watched 11 Aug 2021

Yes these are still guilty pleasures for me and I feel no shame, and yes I teared up during the “God Only Knows” scene (as cheesy as it was), but SOMEONE needs to pay for doing THAT to Joey King’s hair in the epilogue
2021 Ranked
Cats 2019

★★★ Watched 20 Dec 2019 1

Surprisingly, Cats is never quite as eccentric as expected, resulting in an erratic and often enjoyable musical extravaganza that experiences occasional lulls in its energy, only to be continually saved by the charisma of its cast.
As far as the story goes... forget it, it’s Cats. To be fair, the film gets by on this playful plotlessness for the first hour, as it manically maneuvers from musical sequence to musical sequence, allowing audiences to glimpse this whimsical world through the…
Music 2021

★★½ Watched 18 Feb 2021

Kate Hudson and Leslie Odom Jr. innocent
2021 Ranked
Artemis Fowl 2020

½ Watched 13 Jun 2020

Every choice made here was the wrong one.
2020 Ranked
Kenneth Branagh Ranked
The Kissing Booth 2 2020

★★½ Watched 24 Jul 2020 7

Whoever allowed this to be 2 HOURS AND 12 MINUTES deserves JAIL TIME
2020 Ranked
After We Collided 2020

★★★ Watched 27 Oct 2020 1

I will never vouch for the objective quality of these movies but we are in a pandemic and I WILL take my trashy teen entertainment where I can get it thank you VERY much
2020 Ranked
Cinderella 2021

½ Watched 04 Sep 2021 9

Lol, absolutely not.
Idina Menzel and Billy Porter innocent. Camila Cabello and James Corden need to be tried for crimes against humanity.
Look, Cinderella is my favorite Disney princess, and the story is one I hold near and dear to my heart for many reasons, so I was always gonna be apprehensive of any adaptation following Kenneth Branagh’s masterful reinvigoration of the classic tale in 2015. As others before me have pointed out, this does everything wrong that that film…
Madame Web 2024

Watched 14 Feb 2024 32

the editing in this is enough to kill a small victorian child
After 2019

★★½ Watched 14 Apr 2019

Despite featuring an admirable performance from lead Josephine Langford, After is unfortunately a predictable and cliche (albeit watchable) romance that offers little to viewers outside of its core fanbase.
Josephine Langford, younger sister of 13 Reasons Why breakout Katherine Langford, gives an admirable turn as naive Tessa Young, the film’s protagonist. We’ve seen the role of the innocent “good girl” who dabbles with the “dark side” before (and certainly in plenty of YA adaptations), but this doesn’t take away from…
Holmes & Watson 2018

★★ Watched 27 Dec 2018 1

While not the absolute trainwreck I had anticipated going in, Holmes & Watson is nevertheless a notable step-down from the giddy heights of Talladega Nights and Step Brothers for the talented duo of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.
For starters, writer/director Etan Cohen is no Adam McKay. Since McKay has moved onto to more "prestige" fare, the irreverence and spunk he brought to features like Talladega Nights and Step Brothers is sorely missed. His scripts certainly bordered on stupidity at times,…

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