• Saltburn

    Saltburn

    ★★★★½

    a movie about how jacob elordi is simply so fucking hot that his mere existence is enough to make someone legally insane

  • Barbie

    Barbie

    ★★★★★

    we all knew barbie was going to be funny. we all knew it’d have something to say about the “female coming-of-age,” as all of greta gerwig’s movies have thus far. and we all knew margot robbie and ryan gosling would turn in note-perfect performances as barbie and ken. and they did.

    what i didn’t know was how much barbie would mean - not truly, not fully. how much it would mean to me, to the women sitting to my left…

  • Challengers

    Challengers

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i think it’s so commendable how luca guadagnino has made a career out of making straight boys kiss in movies and i hope he never stops

  • Priscilla

    Priscilla

    ★★★★½

    made me want a man and then never want to see one again for the rest of my life

  • Anyone But You

    Anyone But You

    ★★★★½

    look i came to watch hot people fuck and fight and i got what i wanted

  • Dune: Part Two

    Dune: Part Two

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i would be so easily manipulated by someone claiming to be a messiah because the scene where paul learns how to ride a sandworm made me believe in god again

  • The Idea of You

    The Idea of You

    ★★★★

    watched this with my mom and when it was over she said “this is how i felt about austin butler after elvis”

  • Anatomy of a Fall

    Anatomy of a Fall

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    justine triet said "cut" but sandra hüller heard "cunt" and went with it

  • All of Us Strangers

    All of Us Strangers

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    paul mescal always at the scene of the crime in one of the saddest movies you’ve ever seen in your entire life

  • Elemental

    Elemental

    ★★★★

    watching this when you’re single is worse than being waterboarded

  • Monkey Man

    Monkey Man

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i didn’t think it was physically possible for dev patel to be any hotter than he already is until i watched him lead an army of trans women in a fight against a fascist police force

  • Past Lives

    Past Lives

    ★★★★★

    he was the boy every girl in school liked, but i liked him most. to be fair, it wasn’t much of a competition. i knew him best, because i was his best friend. but for awhile, i thought that’s all i’d ever be. because i’d had the misfortune of being a girl born in a boy’s body.

    we met in eighth grade. he was the new kid, and i was his first friend. later, i liked to say that i…